Thursday, October 1, 2009

Babies for Dummies

You know all those yellow textbook-like manuals labeled "something-or-other for dummies"? Given my lack of parental knowledge, I jokingly told myself I need to get "Babies for Dummies." I shouldn't be surprised, but they actually do have "Baby's First Year for Dummies" available at Amazon.

To illustrate just how inept I am when it comes to babies:
  • I have only changed two diapers in my entire life.
  • I have never been in the same house as an infant overnight.
  • I have no idea how to properly hook up an infant car seat.
  • I'm pretty fuzzy on the whole concept of burping. Does the baby need to burp after every meal? If I think the baby needs to burp, at what point to I stop whacking the baby on the back and give up?
  • I'm confused about what parents do when they're out and the baby needs to be changed, but there's no changing table to be found. Or no bathroom at all, for that matter.
  • I'm unsure just how safe it is for a baby to crawl around on a floor that is home to enough dog hair to build a replica 20-pound Corgi. Is that a major red flag? Or should we assume that a bit of Corgi hair never hurt anyone?

I'm thinking even a book for dummies is not sufficient to prepare us for what we're getting ourselves into. Nothing but good, old-fashioned experience will do the trick. I do feel a bit sorry for our first child... I'm betting we'll make most of our dumb parent mistakes on this one.

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  1. LindsayNovember 10, 2009 at 11:48 AM

    I know you posted this awhile ago, but I'm just now reading it. Perhaps I can help you out a little.
    1. Thankfully, car seats come with instructions, otherwise no car seat would ever be installed properly. It took us over an hour to install Emma's the first time but it's now second nature.
    2. Burping: generally, yes, with every meal either during a natural pause or right afterwards. By 4 months or so though they can generally do it on their own. The purpose is to release gas in their tummy so that they don't spew all over you later. As for knowing when to stop, when someone looks at you and says, "You can probably stop now." Or when your arm gets tired.
    3. Changing: You find a convenient flat spot and hope that you have your mat in your bag. Ignore any dirty looks from childless people.
    4. Dog hair: Just get a roomba. Also, studies have shown that kids that grow up with animals are less likely to suffer from allergies. So it's all good. =)

    And everyone feels the same way, so you're not alone! Kinda makes you glad you're not the firstborn, huh?

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