It's barely after noon, and so far today Perrin has pooped in his underwear, dumped dish detergent all over the kitchen floor, broken a lamp, and walked across the couch with muddy shoes. I can't finish cleaning up one mess before he gets into something else. I'm exhausted and frustrated. And I have to be honest--the broken lamp was the last straw for me, and I did NOT react well. After yelling at Perrin (something I swore I would never do as a parent), I locked him in his room so I could clean up the shards of porcelain. He seemed pretty oblivious to my anger--I could hear him playing with his toys, completely unaware that his mother was entertaining visions of packing him off to live with the grandparents for the next five years.
As I swept and threw away my beautiful lamp (which happened to be a wedding present), I had to remind myself that stuff is just stuff and that the way I raise Perrin will last forever. Since he was playing happily in his bedroom, I took a few minutes to stretch out on the couch and read a few passages from Psalms. Then I went to check on Perrin (good thing, too, because he was about to smear play-dough all over his face). I gave him a hug and apologized for yelling at him. I know he wasn't trying to be bad today. He's just a normal two-year-old.
I love what Psalm 127:3-4 says about kids: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth."
I know Perrin is a gift. He's a gift in the sense that he brings me so much joy and fills me with love. But he's a gift in a less obvious way, too--he forces me to become a less selfish, more humble, more patient and loving version of myself. And that's not always fun, to be honest. And like today, I don't always pass the test. Instead I get a glimpse into my human nature that reminds me how desperately I need God to help me live up to the incredible privilege of being a mom.
When I feel like a failure, I have to remind myself that God not only uses times like these to show me my weaknesses and my need for His grace in my life, but He can also use them for good in Perrin's life. Perrin will learn a lot more from a mother who messes up but admits to those faults and seeks forgiveness than from a mother who acts perfectly all the time.
Even so, it's tough. Raising kids is tough. Sanctification is tough. Typing out this blog and admitting to myself how far short I fall is tough. But it's worth it.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Zumba!
I started going to a zumba class back in December or January, and I really loved it. Then towards the end of February I found out I was pregnant, and within a couple weeks I was puking non-stop and barely had the energy to peel my head off the pillow in the mornings, much less shake my booty for a solid hour. But once I finally got past the morning sickness, I returned to zumba, baby bump and all.
So Brielle and I have been dancing to sexy Latin music a couple times a week for the past couple months. Now that I'm about 6 months pregnant though, I'm definitely realizing that my zumba days are numbered. My belly is getting bigger and I'm a little afraid I'm going to shake her out onto the gym floor if I'm not careful. Plus I can feel my stamina leaking away week by week.
Case in point: Yesterday morning I went to zumba like usual. After about 45 minutes into it, I was huffing and puffing and clutching my belly as I jumped around during a particularly fast song. When the song ended, a girl next to me asked really sweetly, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I wheezed. "It's just a lot of bouncing. It's getting a little tougher for me."
"You're not about to go into labor, are you?"
"No, I'm only about 6 months."
"Okay... well, just take it easy. Be sure to sit down if you need to." She eyed me skeptically, like she thought I might keel over at any minute.
Hmmm. I guess I was looking a little overspent. And I admitted to myself that I probably should take a break--an hour of cardio is a lot for a pregnant woman. But I have this teensy tiny problem... I can be a wee bit competitive. (I know, that's a shocker, right?) And as I looked around the room, I kept thinking, "If all these ladies can make it a full hour without taking a break, I can too!"
But since I truly don't want to go into labor on the gym floor, I'm resolving to take it a little easier from here on out. I just need to swallow my pride and admit that my body needs more rest these days. Speaking of swallowing my pride, I should also admit that being pregnant and doing zumba is probably the dorkiest-looking thing I could do. Actually, that reminds me of a picture Trey found online for me not too long ago:
So Brielle and I have been dancing to sexy Latin music a couple times a week for the past couple months. Now that I'm about 6 months pregnant though, I'm definitely realizing that my zumba days are numbered. My belly is getting bigger and I'm a little afraid I'm going to shake her out onto the gym floor if I'm not careful. Plus I can feel my stamina leaking away week by week.
Case in point: Yesterday morning I went to zumba like usual. After about 45 minutes into it, I was huffing and puffing and clutching my belly as I jumped around during a particularly fast song. When the song ended, a girl next to me asked really sweetly, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I wheezed. "It's just a lot of bouncing. It's getting a little tougher for me."
"You're not about to go into labor, are you?"
"No, I'm only about 6 months."
"Okay... well, just take it easy. Be sure to sit down if you need to." She eyed me skeptically, like she thought I might keel over at any minute.
Hmmm. I guess I was looking a little overspent. And I admitted to myself that I probably should take a break--an hour of cardio is a lot for a pregnant woman. But I have this teensy tiny problem... I can be a wee bit competitive. (I know, that's a shocker, right?) And as I looked around the room, I kept thinking, "If all these ladies can make it a full hour without taking a break, I can too!"
But since I truly don't want to go into labor on the gym floor, I'm resolving to take it a little easier from here on out. I just need to swallow my pride and admit that my body needs more rest these days. Speaking of swallowing my pride, I should also admit that being pregnant and doing zumba is probably the dorkiest-looking thing I could do. Actually, that reminds me of a picture Trey found online for me not too long ago:
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Busy week, happy boy
Perrin is taking a nice, long nap right now. I think he's making up for being on the go constantly the past few days. Monday he went with his Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Paul, and cousin Brandon (or as Perrin calls him, "Bacon") to the zoo. Tuesday he went with them to the Children's Museum. Tuesday night we took the boys to Chuck E Cheese (Trey and I did our duty and played about 50 rounds of skeeball to earn the boys enough tickets to buy toys and candy. I'm sure the prizes equate to roughly $5 per tiny box of nerds, but hey... you gotta do what you gotta do). Wednesday we took them to the park, then to Brandon's Granny's house to swim in the pool.
Whew. That's a lot of fun packed into a few days for a 2 and 3 year-old. But I have to say, they are sooooooo cute together! Every morning this week, Perrin has been waking up and saying, "Play with Bacon!" And since Perrin likes to run away, Brandon made it his personal mission to go after Perrin and drag him by the hand back to the group every time Perrin tried to go off and explore. "Bacon" comes in handy!
A couple things I noticed this week: Perrin has become really social. He's not a baby anymore. He's interested in making friends and having adventures on his own away from Mommy. Kind of sad. The other thing I noticed is that he's bossy. I don't know how many times I overheard him saying stuff like, "Bacon, sit. Bacon, come here. Bacon, stop that." I have no idea where he could have gotten his bossiness from. As I told Trey the other day, I'm certainly not bossy. I just know what everyone else is supposed to be doing at all times.
Brandon is headed back home to Northwest Arkansas today, so Perrin has lost his new BFF until next visit. When Perrin asked about "Bacon" this morning, I tried to explain that he had gone back home and we would see him again someday soon. I was feeling kind of sad for my boy, knowing that a month or two is like a lifetime when you're a toddler. I asked him if he missed Brandon. He nodded. Then he told me I have pretty toes. I guess he's not too choked up.
Whew. That's a lot of fun packed into a few days for a 2 and 3 year-old. But I have to say, they are sooooooo cute together! Every morning this week, Perrin has been waking up and saying, "Play with Bacon!" And since Perrin likes to run away, Brandon made it his personal mission to go after Perrin and drag him by the hand back to the group every time Perrin tried to go off and explore. "Bacon" comes in handy!
A couple things I noticed this week: Perrin has become really social. He's not a baby anymore. He's interested in making friends and having adventures on his own away from Mommy. Kind of sad. The other thing I noticed is that he's bossy. I don't know how many times I overheard him saying stuff like, "Bacon, sit. Bacon, come here. Bacon, stop that." I have no idea where he could have gotten his bossiness from. As I told Trey the other day, I'm certainly not bossy. I just know what everyone else is supposed to be doing at all times.
Brandon is headed back home to Northwest Arkansas today, so Perrin has lost his new BFF until next visit. When Perrin asked about "Bacon" this morning, I tried to explain that he had gone back home and we would see him again someday soon. I was feeling kind of sad for my boy, knowing that a month or two is like a lifetime when you're a toddler. I asked him if he missed Brandon. He nodded. Then he told me I have pretty toes. I guess he's not too choked up.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Pregnancy comparison
I'm halfway through this pregnancy. Yay! I've been thinking lately about how different this pregnancy has been from my first one. They say that no two pregnancies are alike, just as no two babies are alike, but I have to be honest--I kinda thought it would pretty much be the same experience the second time around. But it's not.
First off, the morning sickness has been waaaaay worse this time around. I thought I had it bad enough with Perrin, but at least with him it only lasted the first 13 weeks. Once I hit the 2nd trimester, I felt great--I had tons of energy, clear skin, a healthy appetite (maybe a little TOO healthy), and got lots of complements on how cute I looked with my pregnant belly. At this point, I'm still not feeling great (but I can at least choke down my breakfast and keep it down... progress!) So I guess the old wives tale that morning sickness is worse when you're carrying a girl is true for me. It's also an old wives tale that boys will give you beauty and girls will take it away. I won't go into my skin and hair issues, but I'm telling you... there's something to these old wives tales.
Another difference: With my first pregnancy, I felt Perrin moving pretty consistently throughout the day and night. That was a pattern that he started in the womb and continued as a newborn--wake, sleep, wake, sleep. As far as I can tell from Brielle, she's asleep all day and awake all night. Joy.
I've been reading back through some of my blogs from my first pregnancy, and I was a little surprised at how often I was blogging--at least once a week, or sometimes twice a week. It's not that this pregnancy has been less interesting to me or that I don't have any new thoughts to share, but since I have a toddler running around this house this time around, I'm just too busy! Example: A couple days ago, Perrin wandered into the spare room (soon to be his new bedroom) and found all of our puzzles and games that we were in the process of moving to a new location. I was busy answering some e-mails and didn't monitor him for about five minutes. Big mistake... in those five minutes, he managed to dump out two puzzles (one was 1000 pieces), an entire trivial pursuit game (all the cards and game pieces), a game of doodle dice (bunch of cards and dice), Lego Creationary (which has about a million tiny lego pieces) and some other assorted cards and instruction manuals. What took him five minutes to dump across the floor took me AGES to pick back up and sort into proper boxes. Who has time to blog about pregnancy with a two-year-old in the house?? (Reminds me of a quote I saw on Pinterest the other day: "Having a two-year-old is like having a blender with no lid.")
Bottom line: It's true--pregnancy is different the second time around. Here's hoping the labor and delivery are different, too... cuz 56 hours of labor is not something I want to relive.
First off, the morning sickness has been waaaaay worse this time around. I thought I had it bad enough with Perrin, but at least with him it only lasted the first 13 weeks. Once I hit the 2nd trimester, I felt great--I had tons of energy, clear skin, a healthy appetite (maybe a little TOO healthy), and got lots of complements on how cute I looked with my pregnant belly. At this point, I'm still not feeling great (but I can at least choke down my breakfast and keep it down... progress!) So I guess the old wives tale that morning sickness is worse when you're carrying a girl is true for me. It's also an old wives tale that boys will give you beauty and girls will take it away. I won't go into my skin and hair issues, but I'm telling you... there's something to these old wives tales.
Another difference: With my first pregnancy, I felt Perrin moving pretty consistently throughout the day and night. That was a pattern that he started in the womb and continued as a newborn--wake, sleep, wake, sleep. As far as I can tell from Brielle, she's asleep all day and awake all night. Joy.
I've been reading back through some of my blogs from my first pregnancy, and I was a little surprised at how often I was blogging--at least once a week, or sometimes twice a week. It's not that this pregnancy has been less interesting to me or that I don't have any new thoughts to share, but since I have a toddler running around this house this time around, I'm just too busy! Example: A couple days ago, Perrin wandered into the spare room (soon to be his new bedroom) and found all of our puzzles and games that we were in the process of moving to a new location. I was busy answering some e-mails and didn't monitor him for about five minutes. Big mistake... in those five minutes, he managed to dump out two puzzles (one was 1000 pieces), an entire trivial pursuit game (all the cards and game pieces), a game of doodle dice (bunch of cards and dice), Lego Creationary (which has about a million tiny lego pieces) and some other assorted cards and instruction manuals. What took him five minutes to dump across the floor took me AGES to pick back up and sort into proper boxes. Who has time to blog about pregnancy with a two-year-old in the house?? (Reminds me of a quote I saw on Pinterest the other day: "Having a two-year-old is like having a blender with no lid.")
Bottom line: It's true--pregnancy is different the second time around. Here's hoping the labor and delivery are different, too... cuz 56 hours of labor is not something I want to relive.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
It's a girl!
I guess I need to tell Perrin to watch out... a little sister is on the way! Yep, it's a girl! She looked healthy and active on the ultrasound, which is a huge relief because I haven't been feeling as much movement from her as I did from Perrin. Maybe she'll be a little more calm and snuggly than he is. I love my little boy and his bucket loads of energy, but sometimes I just want to cuddle!
Now that we know it's a girl, I guess it's safe to announce that we're naming her Brielle. Isn't that pretty? (And if you don't like it, I don't want to hear it!) Also, I might be a tiny bit further along in the pregnancy than we originally thought. My new estimated due date is Halloween. (Brielle, please don't be born on Halloween. Okeedokee?)
We're so excited to have a little girl, but I sort of feel like I'm becoming a parent for the first time all over again. I think if we'd found out it was a boy, I would have thought, "Okay, I know exactly what I'm doing. I've got this." But having a daughter is going to be brand new territory.
Oh, well. I'm too happy to worry about that now. We're having a girl! We really are so blessed!
Now that we know it's a girl, I guess it's safe to announce that we're naming her Brielle. Isn't that pretty? (And if you don't like it, I don't want to hear it!) Also, I might be a tiny bit further along in the pregnancy than we originally thought. My new estimated due date is Halloween. (Brielle, please don't be born on Halloween. Okeedokee?)
We're so excited to have a little girl, but I sort of feel like I'm becoming a parent for the first time all over again. I think if we'd found out it was a boy, I would have thought, "Okay, I know exactly what I'm doing. I've got this." But having a daughter is going to be brand new territory.
Oh, well. I'm too happy to worry about that now. We're having a girl! We really are so blessed!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Sweet or unsweet?
Perrin can be such a sweetheart. I love when he climbs up on the couch beside me, puts his head on my arm, and says, "Best friends." It's a good thing he has his sweet moments to make up for dumping cocoa powder all over the living room or for peeing on the floor at the library (yep, that happened recently. But that's another story for another day).
I keep wondering what he'll be like as a big brother. Will he be sweet to his little sibling? I hope so. But lately he's been climbing up on my stomach and saying, "Sit on baby." Probably not the best precedent to be setting. And he's incredibly jealous of other kids who try to climb into my lap or steal my attention.I worry that this will be a tough transition for him. On the other hand, he also kisses my tummy and says, "Wake up baby!" as if he just can't wait for the baby to come out and play.
So it'll be interesting to see if the baby brings out his sweet or spicy personality. Speaking of the baby, I'm 17 weeks pregnant now and I think I might possibly be past the awful morning sickness. At least I think I'm past the worst of it... I still have occasional nausea. But that's nothing compared to throwing up half the day. So, yay! AND... big news... we'll find out if we're having a boy or girl in a week and a half!!! I can't wait! Perrin keeps changing his mind about whether he wants a brother or sister. I'm not even completely sure he knows what those words mean. I asked him again a few minutes ago if he wants a brother or a sister. He said, "Brother, sister? Want toys."
I keep wondering what he'll be like as a big brother. Will he be sweet to his little sibling? I hope so. But lately he's been climbing up on my stomach and saying, "Sit on baby." Probably not the best precedent to be setting. And he's incredibly jealous of other kids who try to climb into my lap or steal my attention.I worry that this will be a tough transition for him. On the other hand, he also kisses my tummy and says, "Wake up baby!" as if he just can't wait for the baby to come out and play.
So it'll be interesting to see if the baby brings out his sweet or spicy personality. Speaking of the baby, I'm 17 weeks pregnant now and I think I might possibly be past the awful morning sickness. At least I think I'm past the worst of it... I still have occasional nausea. But that's nothing compared to throwing up half the day. So, yay! AND... big news... we'll find out if we're having a boy or girl in a week and a half!!! I can't wait! Perrin keeps changing his mind about whether he wants a brother or sister. I'm not even completely sure he knows what those words mean. I asked him again a few minutes ago if he wants a brother or a sister. He said, "Brother, sister? Want toys."
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Making room for baby
I'm 15 weeks pregnant. Still throwing up. :( On the up side, I'm starting to feel the faintest little flutters of movement. It makes the fatigue and nausea a teensy bit more tolerable. Well, as tolerable as puking up stomach acid can be.
Anyway, now that we're getting closer to the halfway point, I've been kind of freaking out because we still have SO much to do to get ready. Mainly, we have to clean out 29-year's worth of accumulated electronics, nerf guns, ugly robots, legos, and things that I can't identify from "the man cave"--previously known as Trey's room. It's been quite an experience going through everything. To give you an idea, I've compiled some statistics:
Number of toys in our house left over from my childhood: 0
Number of toys in our house left over from Trey's childhood: 5,397
Number of those toys covered in dog hair: 5,397
Number of those toys I've managed to sell so far: 3
So as you can see, we still have a long way to go before the room will be ready for Perrin. Aside from getting rid of stuff, we also have to paint, recarpet, set up a new bed for Perrin, and move all his furniture and toys. And THEN we can do some work on the nursery to get it ready for the next baby.
So, sweet little baby #2, I really need you to stop making me throw up so I can get some stuff done. Okay? Okay.
Anyway, now that we're getting closer to the halfway point, I've been kind of freaking out because we still have SO much to do to get ready. Mainly, we have to clean out 29-year's worth of accumulated electronics, nerf guns, ugly robots, legos, and things that I can't identify from "the man cave"--previously known as Trey's room. It's been quite an experience going through everything. To give you an idea, I've compiled some statistics:
Number of toys in our house left over from my childhood: 0
Number of toys in our house left over from Trey's childhood: 5,397
Number of those toys covered in dog hair: 5,397
Number of those toys I've managed to sell so far: 3
So as you can see, we still have a long way to go before the room will be ready for Perrin. Aside from getting rid of stuff, we also have to paint, recarpet, set up a new bed for Perrin, and move all his furniture and toys. And THEN we can do some work on the nursery to get it ready for the next baby.
So, sweet little baby #2, I really need you to stop making me throw up so I can get some stuff done. Okay? Okay.
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