poop+mud+mess=sanctification

It's barely after noon, and so far today Perrin has pooped in his underwear, dumped dish detergent all over the kitchen floor, broken a lamp, and walked across the couch with muddy shoes. I can't finish cleaning up one mess before he gets into something else. I'm exhausted and frustrated. And I have to be honest--the broken lamp was the last straw for me, and I did NOT react well. After yelling at Perrin (something I swore I would never do as a parent), I locked him in his room so I could clean up the shards of porcelain. He seemed pretty oblivious to my anger--I could hear him playing with his toys, completely  unaware that his mother was entertaining visions of packing him off to live with the grandparents for the next five years.

As I swept and threw away my beautiful lamp (which happened to be a wedding present), I had to remind myself that stuff is just stuff and that the way I raise Perrin will last forever. Since he was playing happily in his bedroom, I took a few minutes to stretch out on the couch and read a few passages from Psalms. Then I went to check on Perrin (good thing, too, because he was about to smear play-dough all over his face). I gave him a hug and apologized for yelling at him. I know he wasn't trying to be bad today. He's just a normal two-year-old.

I love what Psalm 127:3-4 says about kids: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth."

I know Perrin is a gift. He's a gift in the sense that he brings me so much joy and fills me with love. But he's a gift in a less obvious way, too--he forces me to become a less selfish, more humble, more patient and loving version of myself. And that's not always fun, to be honest. And like today, I don't always pass the test. Instead I get a glimpse into my human nature that reminds me how desperately I need God to help me live up to the incredible privilege of being a mom.

When I feel like a failure, I have to remind myself that God not only uses times like these to show me my weaknesses and my need for His grace in my life, but He can also use them for good in Perrin's life. Perrin will learn a lot more from a mother who messes up but admits to those faults and seeks forgiveness than from a mother who acts perfectly all the time.

Even so, it's tough. Raising kids is tough. Sanctification is tough. Typing out this blog and admitting to myself how far short I fall is tough. But it's worth it.