The ups and downs of a stay-at-home mom

I used to have a somewhat heightened perception of what it would be like to be a stay-at-home mom. I mean, I knew it wasn't all sunshine and smiles and luxurious naps, but I definitely thought it would be easier than working full time. Guess what: it's NOT! I don't regret my decision at all, but this is one tough job! Here are a few things that make this a crazy hard job:

1. I miss out on things. Today, for example, Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife were at FamilyLife to talk to our staff and lead them in a time of worship. I keep hearing how amazing and wonderful and funny they were. Dang, I wish I could have been there. But I don't think the sound of Perrin's wailing would have made a good accompaniment to SCC's voice.

2. I get lonely. I talk to Perrin all day long, but he's really not the best conversationalist. I'm so attention-starved by the time Trey gets home that I talk 300 miles an hour about all the mundane things I did all day long. "I changed Perrin's diaper, then we went for a walk, then he was really cranky so I rocked him until he fell asleep, and then I checked my e-mails and caught up on some work stuff. Oh, and then he woke up and I fed him, and then we read a book, and then I made some lunch...." I can usually see Trey's eyes glazing over by the time I'm about halfway through my monologue. But I can't help it. I NEED to talk to someone. Even if I have absolutely nothing to say.

3. I don't get to have weekends. Perrin doesn't care if it's Saturday--he's still going to wake up at the crack of dawn and want me to get him out of his crib. He's still going to cry and need me to change his diapers and feed him and give him attention all day. He certainly never asks me if I need a break.

Whew... as tough as this is, I really don't see how moms do it when they have to take care of a baby on top of working 40 hours a week. And single moms--wow. That's all I can say... wow.

Sometimes Perrin makes it all worth it though--like when I get him out of his crib in the morning and he's so smiley and happy to see me. Or when he does something cute, like making a new sound that he's never made before, and looks up at me and grins like he's so proud of himself. And when he kicks and splashes in the water during bath time and I can just tell he's having a ball. Yeah, I guess he's worth it all.

Last day of work

Today's my last day of work, and I feel strangely sad about leaving. After a couple week of sleepless nights, backaches, and general discomfort and fatigue, I thought I'd be rejoicing to finally make it to this point. And in some ways I am. But I also genuinely enjoy my job (most days, anyway), so I can't help feeling a little sad to close the doors on this part of my life.

At the same time, I'm totally excited that I get to stay home with Perrin. I never thought I'd be able to do this. It will definitely require some major sacrifices--no more eating out or other frivolous spending. But I know it's worth it. (Perrin, I hope you're worth it!!) :) And Trey and I both really feel at peace with our decision--we feel like God has blessed us by making it possible for me to stay home, and we're trusting that He'll provide for us.

I'm not completely leaving FamilyLife altogether... after a few months, I'm planning to work a few hours from home each week for the Global department. So hopefully this will be like the best of both worlds. But it's still a major change... an exciting, scary, never-be-the-same-again change. After all, I know how to organize meetings, create PowerPoint presentations, and write proposals or product descriptions. But taking care of an infant? Brand new territory for me. I truly believe that I'm leaving one full-time job and entering into a much more difficult (but also more rewarding) full-time job.

My new job title: Mommy. Hours per week: (How many hours are in a week? That many. Plus some.) No experience necessary (thank goodness). Description: Keep baby clean, fed, rested, safe, and loved. And try not to put the diaper on backwards.