The finish line

We did it. As of 10:00 this morning, we wrapped up our first year of homeschooling. (Do you hear the Hallelujah chorus?) The majority of the year was great, but I've really been limping along these last couple of weeks. Here's an actual conversation I had with Perrin last week:

Perrin: "Mom, will you check my handwriting?"
Me: "Hmm... you got your d's backwards. But I don't even care. Let's just move on to math now."
Perrin: "Oh, I can fix those." (Begins erasing the offending letters)
Me: (Whining) "Do you have to? Can't we just be done already?"

Not my best moment as a teacher. In my defense, I've spent all year long caring. And after a bit of a break and a beach vacation, I'll start caring again. 

Despite a rocky last two weeks, I'm really pleased with how well this year went. I taught my son to read and write! What a neat experience to share together! We've laughed and cried together over books we read while snuggled on the couch. We launched rockets, built a working wench, tested the acidity in our foods, created messy chemical reactions, studied the night sky through our telescope (and caught a glimpse of four of Jupiter's moons), played strategy games, dissected owl pellets, and explored our beautiful world as a family on several field trips and outings. We've had a blast, and I'm proud to say that Perrin has realized he loves learning. Goal achieved. (Also, kindergarten science is FUN, y'all!)

We had tough days too when the thought crossed my mind  of how much easier it would be to send him to public school. Juggling my job with homeschooling was a year-long balancing act I still haven't gotten the hang of. I constantly felt like I was either being a bad employee or a bad teacher (or both). And between time working and time teaching Perrin, I often felt like I was neglecting Brielle. Sometimes I wondered if homeschooling was worth it. 

But as I look back on the memories we've made this year and consider how close I am to my kids and how I've watched their enthusiasm for learning grow, I know I made the right choice. I'm already ordering our curriculum for next year and getting excited about all the fun we'll have together (after some mental rest for this depleted teacher/mom, of course). No more school for at least 6-8 weeks! Except while we're on vacation we're going to study tides and how the moon affects them... and we're going on a nature cruise to study ocean life from the sea floor... and we're going to watch the Blue Angels practice and discuss flight dynamics... and I'll probably stick some other learning in here and there. Because when you're a homeschool family, all of life is an opportunity to learn. So we never really take a break.

Reflections on ten years

Yesterday was our 10-year wedding anniversary. We spent an incredible weekend away in a cabin celebrating this milestone. But before we left town, we spent Thursday night watching our wedding video with our kiddos. They thought it was pretty cool to see a “movie” about us. :) Watching it again and thinking about everything we’ve been through in ten years has made me realize how far we’ve come—through good and bad.

I was only 21 that day we said “I do” on the beach. I didn’t feel like a kid at all, but I realize now I had a lot of growing up to do in the years to come. I was so excited to get married. I felt the way I imagine a lot of dating couples feel: like no one else in the world could possibly know each other better or love each other more than we did. We were truly best friends.

If I had to use one word to describe our first few years of marriage, I would say passionate. We loved passionately and fought passionately. We were still getting used to living together, and it turns out we didn’t know each other as well as we thought we did! Some of the things that attracted me to Trey in the first place—his spontaneity, his easy-going view on life, his sense of humor—were the very things that could also irritate me when I interpreted those things as him being directionless, unmotivated, and sarcastic. And I know I had some surprises for him too—I was demanding, selfish, and sometimes took things too seriously. We both had some growing pains to get through in those early years. But we also had a lot of fun enjoying a relatively free lifestyle to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. That is, until…

Baby #1. My pregnancy with Perrin was definitely a high point in our marriage. We’d been married nearly four years by then, and we had managed to work out quite a few of the kinks. We were so excited to be having a baby together (once I got over the initial shock that it had only taken two weeks of “not really trying, but not preventing” to get pregnant.) We were so in love and ready for our future. I could be wrong, but I don’t think we fought or argued at all throughout my pregnancy. We were just so happy. Maybe it was a gift from God because that high point had to sustain us through what came next—probably the most difficult season of our marriage thus far.

After Perrin was born, I quit working full-time to be home with him (in spite of the fact that I was actually making more money than Trey was at that point.) I was so thankful to be a mom to the best baby boy in the whole world, and even more grateful that I was able to stay home with him. But my life had changed drastically—I had gone from being at a job I enjoyed all day to being home all day. I was lonely, often bored, and surviving on very little sleep. I felt like Trey didn’t understand and didn’t try to understand how hard it was for me. We were also struggling to adjust to living on half of the income we had gotten used to. We were barely paying all our bills, and any “fun money” was completely out of the question. My postpartum healing took a long time, too, which meant physical intimacy was painful for a long time. We basically didn’t have sex at all for about six months following Perrin’s birth, which left Trey feeling unloved and unwanted. The stress of all those things combined left us both very short-tempered with each other. I wondered if our marriage would ever get back to where it was before. I knew we wouldn’t get a divorce no matter what, but I couldn’t imagine suffering like this through life together year after year.

But things did get better. We adjusted to parenthood, we got more sleep, we both prayed about our issues and found a new normal that included a spunky little boy. I joined a weekly Bible study that allowed me to find friendship and fellowship with other young moms. I started going in for office meetings more often so I would feel a part of my team (I was and am still working part-time). And Trey got a new job with a pay raise so that finances weren’t such a burden. Our marriage was back on track. Then along came…

Baby #2. I couldn’t believe how lucky we were when I found out we were having a little girl. I was super excited imagining our family of four. At the same time, I remembered how hard things were on our marriage after we had Perrin. I didn’t want to go through that low point again. Fortunately, our marriage was stronger this time around, and to some degree we had learned from our mistakes the first time. But I was not at all prepared for the challenges of dealing with a hard-headed two-year-old and a newborn who WOULD NOT SLEEP. Most nights, I was up with Brielle until about 2 or 3 in the morning. Then Perrin would wake up around 5:30 or 6 at the latest. I tried everything to get these kids on a more normal sleep schedule, but they were both ridiculously stubborn when it came to sleep. As the weeks went by, I felt angry and depressed. I wondered if I was having a spiritual crisis. Turns out, I just needed sleep. Trey was more understanding this time around, and he did what he could. I started going to bed at about 7 or 8 each night while Trey sat up rocking Brielle and watching Star Wars until about midnight. Then I’d take the next shift with her and feed her and stay awake with her until she FINALLY (glory hallelujah) conked out in the wee hours of the morning. We made it work, although we weren’t spending much time together during that season.

I knew I wanted to do something different to protect our marriage now that we had two kids and very little time or energy to spend on each other. So it was right around that time, when Brielle was still tiny, that I introduced the idea of Friday night date nights at home. We decided every Friday night, we would put the kids to bed early and take turns planning something fun to do together. We really missed our early years of weekend getaways and dinners out, so this was our way of recreating some of that romance and fun. It was one of the best things we’ve ever done for our marriage! We still have Friday night date nights, and I can’t even list all the incredible memories we have now because of them. We’ve had to get really creative to keep coming up with new ideas. I could probably write an entire book about our date nights. And thankfully, it worked. Although I was a sleep-deprived zombie after Brielle was born, we didn’t go through nearly the same level of marital struggle that we did after Perrin.

Now here we are, ten years down the road. We’ve gone through job loss, car accidents, funerals, arguments, miscarriage, financial struggles, misunderstandings, sleep deprivation, disappointments, health issues, and more. But we’ve also built special memories, found forgiveness, experienced patience and grace from both sides, produced two amazing children, and built confidence and security that we’re in this together, no matter what. Marriage is really a beautiful thing. And it’s these struggles and triumphs that make it beautiful. That bride on the beach ten years ago thought marriage would be beautiful because of the love and romance and fun it would bring. Those things are beautiful too, but it’s an untested beauty. We’ve endured scars to our hearts that have made our love grow back tougher, more resilient, and more prepared for whatever the next ten years bring us.

I have no delusions that the next ten years will be a walk in the park. We’re still figuring things out as we go along, and there are always new lessons to learn and new depths of intimacy to gain. Ten years of marriage has not made us experts. But we are both better people today because we fell in love and made a lifetime commitment to one another, and the years ahead will continue to scrape away our rough edges and make something more beautiful than my 21-year-old self could have ever imagined. 

 

 

QR codes, Olympics, and gassy cows

We're about three weeks into homeschooling, and so far so good! We picked a curriculum that involves lots of sitting together and reading, which seems to be the perfect fit for our family. One of Perrin's favorite books is our children's encyclopedia, which we've been using lately to discuss ancient cultures. The coolest thing is that each page has a QR code I can scan on my phone, and it'll take us to a neat website with extra pictures or videos. We've looked at pictures of cave paintings, watched a video on how a mummy is made, and browsed artists' depictions of the early Olympic games (which I scrolled through quickly once I realized they were historically accurate--meaning sans clothing.)

Now the kids think every QR code they come across is going to reveal something fascinating. Perrin brought me a water bottle the other day and tried to get me to scan it. I tried to explain to him that I didn't particularly want to visit the Aquafina website, but he was pretty convinced I was holding out on him. Even Brielle has gotten into the spirit. We got some funny looks from an older woman at the grocery store when Bri exclaimed, "Look, a QR code!" in her squeaky two-year-old voice. (I can hear the silent judgment: "When MY kids were little, they played with dirt and sticks, not these new-fangled QR codes!" To which I would reply, "Good job keeping your kids away from technology that didn't exist yet.") 

Some days are better than others. Today we were reading through a book about weather. One page near the end talked briefly about the things that may contribute to warming the atmosphere--namely the burning of fossil fuels and animals passing gas. The book so kindly included a picture of a cow farting. Perrin laughed for about 20 minutes, and I gave up on quizzing him on how hail is formed. I had completely lost him. We transitioned to math next, where he was supposed to be practicing writing the numbers 1-6. His sixes all had little gas clouds coming out behind them. He thought it was hilarious.  

Tomorrow we're making a weather vane and graphing answers to a poll Perrin helped me conduct on Facebook. I think I might also look up some youtube clips on amazing Olympic moments. Honestly, I'm having a blast learning alongside him (farting cows aside).

A hatless, stomping, spinning graduate

Perrin's preschool graduation was last night. I should have known he would make it...um... memorable. That's a nice way of putting it. 

The first thing I noticed when his group walked across the stage was that he was the only kid not wearing his graduation hat. He's been talking about wearing that stupid hat for weeks (and once we were home from graduation, I couldn't get him to take it off), but during the actual ceremony, one of the teachers dutifully carried Perrin's hat for him because he had made up his mind and simply was NOT going to wear it. End of that story.

The next thing I noticed was that Perrin couldn't find us in the audience at first. We were sitting right up front waving, but his eyes scanned the crowds while his group solemnly filed in. He finally noticed us and in his excitement boomed out, "Oh! Hi, mom! Hi, dad!" Everyone cracked up. I hope it endeared him a little to the audience because his later antics might not have been quite as well appreciated. 

Then Brielle's class of 2 and 3 year-olds came in and sat on the stage steps in front of the graduates. They sang a few songs and rang bells. Sooooo stinking cute! Brielle told me before the graduation that she was going to wear a pretty dress and sing and dance and turn into a fairy. Although that wasn't exactly what happened, it was very sweet and entertaining. Then she came and sat with us for the remainder of the graduation. 

Next, Perrin's class did the pledge of allegiance and a few songs with hand motions. A couple more observations: Perrin is tall. He towered over a couple of the other kids standing near him. Also: Perrin would rather make silly faces and stomp his feet  and climb up the podium and spin in circles than stand in a line and sing with the rest of his well-behaved classmates. His good friend Zaedi was standing beside him and tried to keep him in line, but he was pretty determined to be a class clown. I kept trying to catch his attention to get him to cut it out, but alas. Who knows how many of his friends' videos and pictures he'll be in, the goofy kid in the background with no hat... and the ONLY kid not participating the way he was supposed to.

Next the teachers went down the line and asked each kid what they liked best about school. They all had such sweet answers: playing, or snack time, or the home center, or dressing up. I was cringing as they got closer and closer to Perrin because I know my son well enough to know that this wasn't going to be a beautiful Kodak moment. I was right. At first he stepped way back and refused to answer. The teacher was about to pass him up and mentioned something about Perrin enjoying the block center this year. Perrin finally stepped up and responded, "No I don't! I like being at home the best!" 

Then it was time for the kids to walk across the stage and receive their preschool certificates. When they called Perrin's name, they introduced him and said he liked eating candy and playing with trains and wanted to be a train driver when he grew up. The preschool director gave him a hug (Perrin gave her a grunt), and said, "Spunky Perrin!" Again, that's probably the nice way of putting it. 

Perrin's teacher was very sweet to tell me later that night that preschool kids are more fun to watch when there's at least one class clown to keep things lively. I hope the other parents and kids thought it was amusing rather than wondering what pitiful parents would allow their child to behave so wildly. Perrin has been this way his whole life--even when I used to take him to baby story time at the library before he was walking. I used to envy the other parents who had sweet little babies who stayed where their parents put them and clapped along with the songs. Even then, Perrin was a non-conformist. That should have given me a clue. It's as if in any situation we're in, he thinks about how he's expected to do something and he purposefully does exactly the opposite.  

Although it makes situations like preschool graduation a little more embarrassing, I also have to remind myself that his personality is a gift. He definitely marches to the beat of his own accordion. And I think his independent spirit can someday be harnessed and nurtured into leadership potential and help him to make wise and innovative decisions instead of simply following the crowd. 

I'm immensely proud of my little preschool graduate. Granted, he needs some discipline and guidance. And although I feel totally inadequate to tame my little fireball, I'm committed to doing my best to love him well, notice his strengths, and encourage him to use his powers for good and not evil. 

Congratulations, preschool class of 2015!

The pitter patter of muddy feet

We took the kids out to our land today (yes, we own land! I feel so grown up!) We needed to mark the property line and figure roughly where the corners of our house will be so our sewer guy can finish up the perc test. ("The sewer guy" is actually named Mike, but to save my life, I can't ever remember his last name. We've been calling him "Sewer Mike" for the last couple months. Old habits die hard, so I'm sorry to say he'll probably forever be Sewer Mike in my mind. Sorry, Mike.)

Anyway, I realized my mistake as soon as we drove up: Temperatures were hovering barely above freezing, we had two restless kids with us, we had packed absolutely nothing for them to do or play with, and the land was one huge mud pit because of all the melted ice and snow. Perrin immediately ran off to investigate a big pile of sand. I feebly called out after him, "Stay out of the mud!" Brielle ran along behind him, so Trey and I headed up our hill to start laying down some twine to mark the property line. 

Not five minutes later, Perrin started yelling for me frantically. He was stuck ankle-deep in some mud and had lost one of his shoes in it. He was trying to balance on one foot to keep his sock clean, but the boy has my genes, which means zero balance or coordination. His socked foot landed in the mud (along with a good 6 inches of his pants). He tried to regain his balance and ended up losing his other shoe. He couldn't balance long enough to get his shoes back on, so he ended up sticking his hands and arms in the mud too. By that point, I'd made it to him and was trying to hold him steady while he got his shoes back on. Mud was smeared all over my hands, arms, legs, and house blueprints, and we still didn't get his shoes on (they'd sunk quite a bit at this point). I finally marched him off to the car in his socked feet, then had him take off his muddy socks and wait for us in the car. I told him if he wanted to get back out, he would need to climb out before putting back on his socks and shoes. 

Later, when we finished marking our house corners and came back to the car, muddy footprints covered most of the seats and floors. And we discovered once we turned the car on that he had pressed practically every button he could find (although he told us that he "didn't press a few of them.")

I forgot to mention that Brielle was hysterical at this point because she was cold, cranky, and frustrated at her disobedient parents, who did not cater to her demands of being carried all over our hillside. 

Thinking to the year ahead and all the house projects we'll be doing, I'm getting a little nervous. This is gonna be hard work. Even a simple project like today becomes a time-consuming mess with kids factored in. We'll just have to do the best we can... and expect a few muddy footprints along the way.

I think I've made up my mind.

Well, it looks like we're taking the homeschooling plunge. While many of my friends are filling out Kindergarten applications, I've been hemming and hawing and trying to decide what's best for us. The answer that has come to me after many hours of praying and pondering? A resounding "I don't know."

This hasn't been an easy decision for me because public school certainly has its merits. It's free (or rather, it's something we're already paying for anyway with our taxes). It provides opportunities for socialization that I can't quite replicate with homeschooling. It ensures that he'll be learning at an appropriate pace for his age and grade level, and he'll have the pressure of his peers and teachers to keep him on track. Having both kids in school would mean I could return to full-time work eventually. And possibly the best of all--public schooling requires very little effort on my part. 

I know a lot of people, particularly Christian families, who choose to homeschool to protect their kids from negative influences. I understand why they do that, and I even agree with it to some degree, but I have to admit that this is not a major influence in my decision to homeschool. In fact, I even wonder if this could be a negative. I want my children to love and have compassion for non-believers and not feel suspicious of them or develop an "us-vs-them" mentality. I need to teach them to positively interact with people who don't believe the same things that they believe and to engage with them in honest discussions without compromising their faith and values. So how am I going to do this when they're stuck at home with me every day? Maybe it means they eventually will go to public school, or maybe it means we get creative by doing some outreach programs as part of our homeschooling. I have lots of questions like this that I haven't quite resolved yet.

So with all my misgivings and concerns, what tipped the scales in favor of homeschooling? I think the number one reason is the gift of time. Everyone says children grow up so fast. If I homeschool, I'll get to spend 2-3 times more quality time with my children than those who don't. (I know, I know... lots of people reading this would reply, "And that's a good thing??" But I really do enjoy spending time with my children. And I know you do too, cynical one.)

Another reason is that I've had 5 years now to get to know Perrin's personality and how he learns best, and I've concluded that traditional schooling would not be a good fit for him. He loves learning right now, and I don't want to take that away from him by putting him in a situation that simply doesn't fit his style and strengths. Homeschooling means we can read a book together at the park, or examine bugs under our microscope, or learn about trains from youtube videos, or take field trips to the museum. And he can chew gum or wiggle to his heart's content or ask me a zillion questions while we're doing school work, and I won't mind. And who better to choose his curriculum and teach it to him than the person who knows him best and cares more about his education than anyone?

So I think I've made up my mind. And if you've read this entire blog post of my ramblings, wow! I don't know if you're really interested in my schooling choice for my kids or just incredibly bored (because there are some seriously entertaining things on the Internet you could be looking at right now instead), but whatever the case, thank you for caring... and please pray for my sanity and patience for the next 18 years. Our incredible, entertaining, frustrating, overwhelming journey of homeschooling is about to begin.

Thoughts on 30

Tonight is my last night in my 20s. It's hard for me to believe I'm hitting this milestone already... I don't feel like I should be in my 30s yet! (Or as an ecard on Pinterest put it,  "I'm 30 but I feel like I should be 20. Unless I hang out with a bunch of 20-year-olds; then I'm like, 'Nope, never mind. I'm 30.' ")

I've known several people who were actually glad to leave their 20s behind because it can be a tumultuous decade of learning how to be an adult and possibly lacking the confidence or knowledge to be successful at the whole growing up thing. But I honestly feel like my 20s were pretty great simply because the major highlights of my life so far were in my 20s--getting married, getting my first real job, buying my first house, traveling to New Zealand and writing a book, giving birth to two awesome kids. It's going to be hard for my 30s to top all of that. So I guess I feel a little sad because I wonder if the best parts of my life are already behind me.

On the other hand, I'm excited for the decade to come. It's going to be different--probably much more focused on my family than on personal achievements. And I can look back to age 20 and see how far I've come spiritually, which gives me hope that I'll see God doing amazing things in my life and in my family's life in the years ahead as we continue to draw closer to Him. 

So bring it on, 30! I'm ready for ya! (But you can cut it out with the gray hairs. Seriously. I'm not quite ready for that yet.)