Summer fun for cheapskates

These summer days can get rather long and boring, so I've been trying to come up with fun things to do with Perrin. We're taking full advantage of our library's programs--story time on Thursday mornings plus special events throughout the week. But I still have lots of free time to fill.

Today I decided I wanted to take Perrin on a mommy/son date. But where to go? There are actually LOTS of things to do--if you have money to spend. The tricky thing is finding stuff to do for free. So I loaded him in the car and drove into North Little Rock, not exactly sure what we would end up doing. Then I spotted Petsmart. Perfect! I gave Perrin the unofficial tour and let him press his face against the rodents' glass homes (he liked the guinea pigs the best). He was also rather fascinated with the lizards and birds. Then we visited the aquarium. He even said "fish!" (Well, sort of. He actually said, "ish" but I knew what he meant.) By the look on his face, you would have thought we were at the zoo. He had a blast.

Next stop: the indoor amusement park! Also known as Toys-R-Us. Against my better mommy judgment, I let him loose in the store instead of putting him in a shopping cart. There were a few times I had to straighten up an aisle after he'd gone down it, but for the most part he was pretty good. He tickled Elmo and danced with Micky. He threw a ball at me. He test drove a car and rode a rocking bull. I could almost hear him thinking, "WHY exactly have you never taken me here before?"

We were pretty hot and thirsty, and it just happened to be happy hour at Sonic. I ordered a large cherry limeade and brought Perrin into the front seat with me while we were parked to help me drink it. He was far more interested in pushing the buttons on my radio, so we ended up listening to lots of static and a few pieces of country songs. But whatever, it was his date so I left it up to him.

After a quick stop by a park to go down the slide once or twice, we headed back home. And of course, he threw a screaming temper tantrum along the way. It's a good thing because our date surely wouldn't have been complete without that.

Just another day on life's roller coaster

This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. I found out on Wednesday that I was pregnant. Four pregnancy tests just don’t lie, even though we weren’t trying to get pregnant and had taken what I thought were basically fail-proof measures to keep from getting pregnant right now. In those first few hours, my attitude went from shock to acceptance to a modicum of excitement. When Trey came home from work, we talked about how crazy it would be to become a family of four. We calculated my due date—February 7th, which would make our two children almost exactly two years apart. Another February baby! I barely slept thinking of all the changes that were coming up.

The next morning, I realized pretty early that I was most likely having a miscarriage. The bleeding continued throughout the day Thursday… then Friday… then Saturday… then Sunday. I told Trey that I was sure I had lost the baby. I kept taking pregnancy tests, expecting them to go from positive to negative. But I had another positive test. Then another. Then another. Dare I hope that I hadn’t actually lost the baby? I did some research online (always the perfect way to make yourself go absolutely bonkers), and read stories from women who’d gone through this exact thing and managed to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy. Was it possible? Had I grieved too soon?

I made a doctor’s appointment for this afternoon. The doctor confirmed what I already knew somewhere deep down—I had in fact miscarried.

I almost wished that I haven’t even taken a pregnancy test. I would have just assumed my period came a few days late. No big deal. No roller coaster of emotions. But then I had to ask myself, do I really wish I’d never known? And I think I have to be honest and say I’m glad I found out, glad I have the chance to honor and grieve the little life that grew inside me for such a short amount of time. I feel some sadness now thinking about what could have been—two kids exactly two years apart, something I didn’t think I wanted until I couldn’t have it anymore. But going through this has also made me hug Perrin a little tighter and feel thankful all over again for his good health and the blessing he’s been to us. He’ll make a good big brother one of these days.